When I coach people, the first thing I need to check is whether they are focused on results or giving me ‘reasons’ why they can’t have the life they really want. Now this is a little hard to swallow but if you get this message it may well be the most important step you will take to become totally empowered to get what you want out of life.
There is a ’cause and effect’ equation operating right now in your life. One side gives you ‘results’ and the other gives you ‘reasons’. These days many people operate more from the ‘effect’ side of the equation. The effect side can also be thought of as the ‘reasons’ or ‘excuses’ side. We all have reasons why we didn’t make it in certain areas of life, career, relationships etc.
For example, you might have heard people use the following reasons:
• “I was the first child, so I had all the responsibility…”
• “I was the last child, so I was never given any responsibility…”
• “We never had enough money when I was growing up, so I missed out…”
• “My parents were rich, they spoilt me, so I never learnt the value of money..”
• “I didn’t finish school so I couldn’t get the job I wanted..”
• “I fell pregnant so I couldn’t…”
Now they are all good excuses….. or are there ever any good excuses?
You see, stuff happens in life, good and bad, people do terrible things to one another, people get ripped off, hurt, and these are legitimate reasons for not achieving. But here’s the thing, if you cling to the reasons why you didn’t achieve something in your life, you are ‘pushing’ the problem outside of yourself and you can’t do a thing about it. You can only change yourself or your reaction to something.
You can’t change your mother, your husband, your wife. Now, you can encourage them to make changes, which they may or not do, but you can’t actually change them.
The problem is when you say for example, “It’s because of HIM!!!” you are pushing the cause outside of yourself onto someone you can’t change. If you believe that the problem is outside of your control, then there is nothing that you can do about it. Excuses are great at the time but when you are 80, 90,100 years old looking back on your life, how will it feel to know that you didn’t live your life to the fullest because of HIM, HER, THEM, IT?
Now if you move the ‘cause’ side of the equation by asking – ‘what is it I’m doing or not doing that can alter my results?’- you gain better control over your outcome.
I teach empowerment and how to take back control of your life and how to get rid of all those things that have held you back so you can design the future you want. The first step is looking at this Cause and Effect equation and asking yourself:
“Which side of this equation am I on?”
Are you on the effect = reasons/excuses side or are you on the cause = results side?
For more information go to www.lifechangingsolutions.com.au
Bye for now
Deb
Tags: NLP Cause and Effect results coaching empower empowerment
